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 BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY

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RickyBobbyMew

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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 5:51 pm

Zoe wrote:
Azure wrote:
what about your penis?
I was just hyper aware of it. I cried like 3 times yesterday 'cause I hated it...
Then I smoked too much, ate too much and took a nap. pokerface

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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 6:10 pm

Donating plasma to get a gift for late mothers day. There goes my food for a bit
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 6:14 pm

MiloTime wrote:
Donating plasma to get a gift for late mothers day. There goes my food for a bit

Yeah, 'cause gifts are way more important than like... food Rolling Eyes

/americainanutshell
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:06 pm

RickyBobbyMew wrote:
MiloTime wrote:
Donating plasma to get a gift for late mothers day. There goes my food for a bit

Yeah, 'cause gifts are way more important than like... food Rolling Eyes

/americainanutshell

wouldn't describing america in a nutshell be the other way around?

my mom deserves something. what's a day's worth of food anyway. who's more important anyway. the guy with no home and nothing to contribute to society, or the one still making money? lol
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:08 pm

MiloTime wrote:
RickyBobbyMew wrote:
MiloTime wrote:
Donating plasma to get a gift for late mothers day. There goes my food for a bit

Yeah, 'cause gifts are way more important than like... food Rolling Eyes

/americainanutshell

wouldn't describing america in a nutshell be the other way around?

my mom deserves something. what's a day's worth of food anyway. who's more important anyway. the guy with no home and nothing to contribute to society, or the one still making money? lol

Way to talk bad about yourself. Stop that shit. Seriously.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:09 pm

MiloTime wrote:
who's more important anyway. the guy with no home and nothing to contribute to society, or the one still making money? lol

Are you sure it's Native American in your ancestry and not Chinese?
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:12 pm

Wolf-Bone wrote:
MiloTime wrote:
who's more important anyway. the guy with no home and nothing to contribute to society, or the one still making money? lol

Are you sure it's Native American in your ancestry and not Chinese?

Seppuku.

perhaps that came off as more self-abusive than I intended.

I'm healthy as fuck though. these people crave my plasma
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:22 pm

Seppuku is Japanese, dumbass. Ah fuck it, all Asians are basically the same Godless, soulless drones devoid of any sense of humanity.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:28 pm

Wolf-Bone wrote:
Seppuku is Japanese, dumbass. Ah fuck it, all Asians are basically the same Godless, soulless drones devoid of any sense of humanity.

I'm aware. I deleted the rest of that sentence because I didn't want to come off as if I were correcting you, since I had no idea what you were getting at with the chinese thing.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:34 pm

MiloTime wrote:
wouldn't describing america in a nutshell be the other way around?

my mom deserves something. what's a day's worth of food anyway. who's more important anyway. the guy with no home and nothing to contribute to society, or the one still making money? lol

If she is such a good parent, why are you homeless?

Why aren't you staying with her?

America definitely values material possessions above everything else.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:37 pm

RickyBobbyMew wrote:
MiloTime wrote:
wouldn't describing america in a nutshell be the other way around?

my mom deserves something. what's a day's worth of food anyway. who's more important anyway. the guy with no home and nothing to contribute to society, or the one still making money? lol

If she is such a good parent, why are you homeless?

Why aren't you staying with her?

America definitely values material possessions above everything else.

my conclusion is that my step dad convinced her. she's a good person, but she's weak in every sense of the word. emotionally, physically, everything.

I was preventing him from doing the things he wanted to do after all
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:41 pm

I've always felt gift giving is dumb in the first place, but this takes the stupidity to a whole new level. You can't even take care of yourself. Try to get to that point FIRST before worrying about buying mommy gifts. As far as I'm concerned if her son is on the street and she is letting that happen she's NOT being a good parent.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 8:58 pm

RickyBobbyMew wrote:
I've always felt gift giving is dumb in the first place, but this takes the stupidity to a whole new level. You can't even take care of yourself. Try to get to that point FIRST before worrying about buying mommy gifts. As far as I'm concerned if her son is on the street and she is letting that happen she's NOT being a good parent.

I feel content with the way things are, because I'm going to see what I can take out of it. like tomorrow, I'm going down to the medical center to see what I've got going on there. I'll see where things take me.

in other words, I'll take care of whatever left I have control over in my life, and after that, I dunno. I haven't decided yet.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 9:28 pm

MiloTime wrote:
I feel content with the way things are, because I'm going to see what I can take out of it. like tomorrow, I'm going down to the medical center to see what I've got going on there. I'll see where things take me.

in other words, I'll take care of whatever left I have control over in my life, and after that, I dunno. I haven't decided yet.

"I'll see where things take me" doesn't sound like you are taking much control :p

Why are you going to a medical center? Are they hiring?

I mean, it's obvious the two things you need the most right now are an income and a place to stay.

You can take control of your situation but you really confuse me when you tell me this stuff.

What are your goals, here?
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Wed May 15, 2013 9:38 pm

RickyBobbyMew wrote:
MiloTime wrote:
I feel content with the way things are, because I'm going to see what I can take out of it. like tomorrow, I'm going down to the medical center to see what I've got going on there. I'll see where things take me.

in other words, I'll take care of whatever left I have control over in my life, and after that, I dunno. I haven't decided yet.

"I'll see where things take me" doesn't sound like you are taking much control :p

Why are you going to a medical center? Are they hiring?

I mean, it's obvious the two things you need the most right now are an income and a place to stay.

You can take control of your situation but you really confuse me when you tell me this stuff.

What are your goals, here?

I'm trying to avoid phrasing things a certain way. I don't know any subtle way to put it. it's just, I haven't exactly changed my mind about certain things. my motivation is virtually gone, BUT there's still little things I can do to make my situation more tolerable, like checking out the indian hospital tomorrow. that's what I mean by see where things take me.

I know there are things I can do, to make my situation a littler better, but that's all I'm able to do. it's all I'll ever be able to do as far as I'm aware. I know you think there's a way for me to get out of this, but like I said, there is none. just temporary solutions. which I'm doing
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Thu May 16, 2013 3:39 pm

MiloTime wrote:
RickyBobbyMew wrote:
MiloTime wrote:
I feel content with the way things are, because I'm going to see what I can take out of it. like tomorrow, I'm going down to the medical center to see what I've got going on there. I'll see where things take me.

in other words, I'll take care of whatever left I have control over in my life, and after that, I dunno. I haven't decided yet.

"I'll see where things take me" doesn't sound like you are taking much control :p

Why are you going to a medical center? Are they hiring?

I mean, it's obvious the two things you need the most right now are an income and a place to stay.

You can take control of your situation but you really confuse me when you tell me this stuff.

What are your goals, here?

I'm trying to avoid phrasing things a certain way. I don't know any subtle way to put it. it's just, I haven't exactly changed my mind about certain things. my motivation is virtually gone, BUT there's still little things I can do to make my situation more tolerable, like checking out the indian hospital tomorrow. that's what I mean by see where things take me.

I know there are things I can do, to make my situation a littler better, but that's all I'm able to do. it's all I'll ever be able to do as far as I'm aware. I know you think there's a way for me to get out of this, but like I said, there is none. just temporary solutions. which I'm doing
im just confused as to what the indian hospital can actually do for you. are you sick? ricky is p spot on in this matter. money and shelter are the most important things you can obtain right now. i mean, where are you sleeping at the moment? i know how dodgy it can be when you are homeless, and im a professional homeless dude. also, dont give your mother a gift for some made up holiday. you should be keeping any and all scratch you manage to scrape up to yourself, for yourself. you might have it in your mind that your stepfather bullied your mother into making you homeless, but she sure hasnt done you much good lately now has she? just some thoughts.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Thu May 16, 2013 7:56 pm

Azure wrote:

im just confused as to what the indian hospital can actually do for you. are you sick? ricky is p spot on in this matter. money and shelter are the most important things you can obtain right now. i mean, where are you sleeping at the moment? i know how dodgy it can be when you are homeless, and im a professional homeless dude. also, dont give your mother a gift for some made up holiday. you should be keeping any and all scratch you manage to scrape up to yourself, for yourself. you might have it in your mind that your stepfather bullied your mother into making you homeless, but she sure hasnt done you much good lately now has she? just some thoughts.

just came back from it. literally everything medical is free for me. optional surgeries aside of course. anything within a reasonable appointment is completely free. so there's that.

it also include mental health. which is what I was curious about in the first place. all I know is I want someone to talk to. I feel like that'll help. and considering I don't have to pay a dime, why not?
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Thu May 16, 2013 10:07 pm

MiloTime wrote:
Azure wrote:

im just confused as to what the indian hospital can actually do for you. are you sick? ricky is p spot on in this matter. money and shelter are the most important things you can obtain right now. i mean, where are you sleeping at the moment? i know how dodgy it can be when you are homeless, and im a professional homeless dude. also, dont give your mother a gift for some made up holiday. you should be keeping any and all scratch you manage to scrape up to yourself, for yourself. you might have it in your mind that your stepfather bullied your mother into making you homeless, but she sure hasnt done you much good lately now has she? just some thoughts.

just came back from it. literally everything medical is free for me. optional surgeries aside of course. anything within a reasonable appointment is completely free. so there's that.

it also include mental health. which is what I was curious about in the first place. all I know is I want someone to talk to. I feel like that'll help. and considering I don't have to pay a dime, why not?
healthcare is a first world problem. its cool that its free, but it doesnt do anything for your dilemma, now does it? therapy wont get you a job or a house :v

also, enjoy waiting in line for your free healthcare. i have the VA, and it is bureaucratic and rusty. i asked for the paperwork for a doctors appt 6 months ago. still aint got it. i doubt the indian affairs counsel is any more on their shit.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Thu May 16, 2013 10:16 pm

I just want the government to give me all of the gibsmedat and pay for my hormone therapy.

Just because I want it.

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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Thu May 16, 2013 11:00 pm

Azure wrote:

healthcare is a first world problem. its cool that its free, but it doesnt do anything for your dilemma, now does it? therapy wont get you a job or a house :v

also, enjoy waiting in line for your free healthcare. i have the VA, and it is bureaucratic and rusty. i asked for the paperwork for a doctors appt 6 months ago. still aint got it. i doubt the indian affairs counsel is any more on their shit.

I don't give a shit about health care. I just want somebody to talk to.

I know you're some badass with no emotions to be seen, but I'm a fucking wreck. I break out every day now, and I need some sort of mental check. because as far as I'm concerned, I give up hoping that one day I'll find a job. I would like to fix that, but I can't when I'm alone with my own thoughts. it's starting to make me feel like a psychopath. and I don't mean that in a "aha wow, I'm a mess" sense. I mean that like I have no fucking idea what actions I might take. suicidal thoughts aside, I'll start crying for no reason, or I might punch a wall for absolutely no reason, until my hands start bleeding, or I'll scream at the top of my lungs.

so let me stress. I'm not a tough mother fucker like you.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Thu May 16, 2013 11:31 pm

MiloTime wrote:
I don't give a shit about health care. I just want somebody to talk to.

I know you're some badass with no emotions to be seen, but I'm a fucking wreck. I break out every day now, and I need some sort of mental check. because as far as I'm concerned, I give up hoping that one day I'll find a job. I would like to fix that, but I can't when I'm alone with my own thoughts. it's starting to make me feel like a psychopath. and I don't mean that in a "aha wow, I'm a mess" sense. I mean that like I have no fucking idea what actions I might take. suicidal thoughts aside, I'll start crying for no reason, or I might punch a wall for absolutely no reason, until my hands start bleeding, or I'll scream at the top of my lungs.

so let me stress. I'm not a tough mother fucker like you.

Milo, I once got pissed and put a fist through a plaster wall in front of Casey. I once repeatedly punched a sink full of dishes until every one was broken and my hands were a bloody mess. You aren't a psychopath for doing that; you are a normal person looking to channel his anger in some way besides clubbing a poor innocent bastard.

It's not about who is badass or not; it's about basic practicality. If you feel you need to talk to someone, then sure -- see if you can get professional help. You also know I am always here if you need to talk to someone. The REALITY is that the situation won't improve unless you take steps to better your position though. Seeking help from other people will only go so far. Internal comfort is important but if you want to pull out of this you might just have to find some stoicism.

I'm not trying to mitigate your situation. You are in a really tough spot. This is the best advice I can give in your situation, though. The main conflict *IS NOT* your situation and your position relative to society; the thing that will BRING YOU DOWN is your internal resignation and unwillingness to take the correct pragmatic action to put yourself in a better spot.

See if you can talk to someone. That can only do good. But also realize some of this burden you might have to take on your own.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Fri May 17, 2013 12:24 am

RickyBobbyMew wrote:

Milo, I once got pissed and put a fist through a plaster wall in front of Casey. I once repeatedly punched a sink full of dishes until every one was broken and my hands were a bloody mess. You aren't a psychopath for doing that; you are a normal person looking to channel his anger in some way besides clubbing a poor innocent bastard.

It's not about who is badass or not; it's about basic practicality. If you feel you need to talk to someone, then sure -- see if you can get professional help. You also know I am always here if you need to talk to someone. The REALITY is that the situation won't improve unless you take steps to better your position though. Seeking help from other people will only go so far. Internal comfort is important but if you want to pull out of this you might just have to find some stoicism.

I'm not trying to mitigate your situation. You are in a really tough spot. This is the best advice I can give in your situation, though. The main conflict *IS NOT* your situation and your position relative to society; the thing that will BRING YOU DOWN is your internal resignation and unwillingness to take the correct pragmatic action to put yourself in a better spot.

See if you can talk to someone. That can only do good. But also realize some of this burden you might have to take on your own.

I have no idea how to process my emotions anymore, for lack of a better way to put it. I'm wondering if what I consider being happy is somehow disguised depression. or if I'm sad, what the hell am I sad about. I rarely get mad, but sometimes when I do, I'm afraid to get mad at anyone, because what reason do I have to be mad at someone else. so I just get mad at myself. I can't even freak out the right way. I never know how to handle it, so I either don't act in any way at all, or show any emotion, or I take the weird freak out route, where I start out feeling claustrophobic and trying to break my wrists, and end up laughing sarcastically. is it no big deal that I pretty much go through all of these emotions every day multiple times?

I'm feeling less and less like a person. like I think about the me that's supposed to be a person, but I end up feeling like I'm looking at myself as a different person trying to understand what the hell he's supposed to be, or what role he has in the world. and then I start hating that. I'd imagine I'm a friend listening to me, and everything I say feels so insignificant, because every time I'd talk to someone, I'd always either be ignored, or whatever it is I said was like, how dare I waste this person's time. why should I even say hi to this person. his only response will be "ok, why should I give a fuck that you said hi to me?" it'll never be the way that you and casey acknowledge me, as a person. because the fact that out of 22 years, only two people have ever treated me like I'm an ok person, I should treat that as a once in a lifetime thing. I know nobody will ever come up to me for the sake of saying hi to me. not like you two.

none of what I said makes sense
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Fri May 17, 2013 12:51 am

trust me, I'm aware of how little sense I made
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Fri May 17, 2013 12:55 am

MiloTime wrote:
I have no idea how to process my emotions anymore, for lack of a better way to put it. I'm wondering if what I consider being happy is somehow disguised depression. or if I'm sad, what the hell am I sad about. I rarely get mad, but sometimes when I do, I'm afraid to get mad at anyone, because what reason do I have to be mad at someone else. so I just get mad at myself. I can't even freak out the right way. I never know how to handle it, so I either don't act in any way at all, or show any emotion, or I take the weird freak out route, where I start out feeling claustrophobic and trying to break my wrists, and end up laughing sarcastically. is it no big deal that I pretty much go through all of these emotions every day multiple times?

You aren't used to this. Once you dig yourself out of this hole life will seem that much better and you will realize a lot of the things you took for granted once mean so much more to you now. That's a great feeling and sort of a disheartening one at the same time. Your emotions are all over the place right now; don't try to make sense of them. Just do the best thing you can think of to help your situation.

Everything you said makes sense when you take context into account.
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PostSubject: Re: BAWW Thread 4: IS NOTHING EASY   Fri May 17, 2013 1:55 am

but I have been through this. three other times actually. not as long as this, and not as hopeless as this though. the other times, I always saw a way to fix it, but this time I can't.

let me put it this way. let me clarify that I am still looking for a job, and... trying in general. but what is my future exactly from here. what, 8 months down the line, I find a job, but given I can't afford ANYTHING on minimum wage. I've done budgeting scenario's where I could live off of $700 a month, which includes all costs, from rent, to bills. BUT, from what I've researched, to get a place, your income HAS to be at least 1/3 the price of rent. ok then. so I manage to find the cheapest possible apartment at $400 (which is pretty much non-existent) and that's 1/2 of minimum wage income. not enough. so I find a place for $300 (have yet to see a place EVER go for that low). still, not 1/3 of minimum wage.

so what does a person do when they realize this? they get a friend to come live with them-oh that's right...

so what other options are there?
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